I was talking to one of my most loyal and most awesome, most grace-giving, understanding friends. she brings out a peace in me, one that says I am not alone in what I am feeling. her silence hears what I say and speaks so loud to my questioned life.
we were talking about life. how I want to hit pause to get out of this “era” this “stage” this “season” of “what else is there?” or “what do I aim for now?” I’d love to hit pause and just stop to take it all in— to understand it all, from all angles, eyes wide open, to really appreciate it and the reason that God has me here now. because I know when I look back on today in five years, it will all make sense. it’ll click, and i’ll say.. “oooooh! I get it now.” But until then, I just want so get it and move forward. and if i can’t move forward then i want to go back. to the way we used to be.
little girls spinning around in circles with dresses that flare out— until we can’t stand anymore. laughing as quietly as we can so that my mom won’t come in a third and fourth time telling us to keep it down “people are trying to sleep.” swinging so high, you swear you could touch the clouds. getting butterflies because you found a note in your locker from your boyfriend. eating ice cream on your back porch in the summer time.. and oops it’s all over your shirt.
yes. let’s go back to that. this quarter-life crisis… it’s beating me.
I always thought the quest to find myself began when I was a kid, and now, i see was wrong. apparently it’s happening now. again.