I’ll never forget one of the first nights in our home when I was a mess, an anxious mess over the fact that Trey’s feelings were hurt because I unpacked the kitchen without him. So deep beyond my anxious tears, I asked him (scratch that–I have to be honest, here), I yelled at him, “Why do you even want to be with me?! Let’s just stop now if this isn’t good enough!” Because heaven forbid, I unpack the kitchen without him–baby, you wanted to be a part of that, why?!?!!
He smiled back at me and said in his most calming voice, “Sweetie, no! I choose you! I chose you… and I will everyday for the rest of my life. I will choose you and this home you are making for us, every. day.”
And then I cried harder and he laughed and then I laughed and then we hugged and then we got married…or something like that.
My name is Nicole M. Paullin Bressler. That’s what my email signature is—so it must be at the very least semi-official. Of course after what happened yesterday afternoon, I became as official as I’ll ever be when I ordered my new social security card and drivers license. For the record it reads the name my parents gave me, and the name that Trey gave me.
I wish I could go back and remember every detail of our chilly November weekend in our year of the Lord; the gold pumpkin painting with my besties and their men, the pumpki-tini making. I wish I had recorded Sheree faceplanting into the wall right before Mark picked up Trey to do their civic duty in downtown Leesburg. Waking up in between my mom and my best friend in that overly warm king size bed to snores and giggles.
I wish I could bottle up every feeling of excitement and question in those last days leading up to the best day…the way I woke Trey up in the middle of the night (multiple times) to ask if he was still as sure as he was the day he asked me to be his wife, or even the night he told me he chose me. He always replied, “More. Baby, I’m more sure now.” And so in his confidence, I was carried into a life I never dreamed was ever possible for me.
tangent: I just stopped typing to look at my rings, I love my engagement ring and the story behind our diamond as the journey solidified our commitment to one another. But what I love far more is the band that is sitting closer to my heart and knowing that it has sealed me from now and everyday after for the rest of my life to a man who prayed just as much for me as I did for him.
Back on track: My worlds collided that weekend. I had friends from every stage of my life surrounding me with the same love they’ve always so freely given. My God- how humbling. Behold: this gift that words will never give adequate justice to. To these women who have prayed for a man like Trey, He heard you. How, for so long you had the faith I didn’t. I didn’t get it until I was standing there with you at my side, and your hands on ours. I just didn’t get it. …but I do, so much, now.
And I read through the journal that thousands of my words and tears prayed fervently for him, that “he” would CHOOSE ME. But it didn’t seem real, that this was actually happening. This actually happened!
Friday after the rehearsal dinner, my best answer to my very best prayer walked me to my room to say good night. And even then, I asked him to promise me that he’d be waiting for me on Saturday in his tuxedo and shiny shoes. And we prayed that this life would be all that we were expecting and so much more.
And on Saturday when I saw him in those shiny shiny shoes, I said these words “I’m ready…” Before reading this, he thought I was talking about the dress, the hair, the make-up, THE SHOES etc. But now he’ll know forever that I was ready for him. I was ready for God to give me to him entirely, unveiling me like the creation I was meant to be, my heart dancing and rejoicing after waiting so long. And in that moment our eyes locked and my Trey went weak in the knees—for me. Seriously, my Trey, went weak in the knees. And I got it, the rest that so long I’d been searching for and in that, a true understanding that my life has more purpose and worth now than it ever had before—to live not only for myself, but another being and the for most perfect Lord that ordained this union before we were even born. And so we hugged and cried the sweetest, quietest tears of reality in this gift from our Savior. Our day was here. And our life has since begun.
So I write the quick details I don’t ever want to forget: my mom putting her diamond that my father gave her 35 years ago around my neck, my sister fluffing my dress, my girls getting as primped and princessed in my deep gratitude for all they have been along the years. My nieces, trying on my dress. My nephews sitting patiently, running playfully. And God I pray that our love would be an example to them of what marriage is—give us that kind of love! Spending the moment with my dad right before I walked out of the house, holding his hand so tightly as we walked down the aisle. Neil talking about my shoe obsession in his sermon. My brokenness being restored as I served my mother and father communion, and then his mother and father. In my life, I’ve never shed such intimate and humbling tears. Behold- this humility. Behold- this intimacy.
I’m praying a challenge to myself that this marriage would show me every day if nothing else, this same kind of humility and intimacy. That I would serve my husband with honor, and strength, and dignity as he loves me so delicately and purely.
Oh what a beautiful gift, the happily ever Bresslers.
ps. view other pictures from our day by our AMAZING friend and photographer, Brinn Willis, owner of Almira B Photography, here.
and pps. I’m having wedding planning withdrawals already. If you know of someone who needs help, send them my way!