I am sitting in the library at school. I am supposed to be studying for a test. This is the first time that I am not loving school. I hate studying. I really do. And I SUCK at taking tests. Here’s the funny thing. As I’m reading, I am forming opinion upon opinion about adolescent psychology. God, just give me an essay or ten to write. Then I’d be good, SO GOOD!
I’ll settle for writing my blog. with 12% battery left.
My dad warned me a few weeks ago that while my blogging is “excellent” I need to be careful that it doesn’t replace the priorities in my life. I think I’m doing okay. Perhaps he was right at one time…3-4 posts a week?? okay, maybe he had a point.
Here’s what I think though: I’m too busy to find the time to do what I love. WRITE! WRITE, WRITE! For now, in comparison to my life over the last seven months, maybe that’s a good thing. Beware Nic–stay yourself, your real, writing self! Hence, why I choose to write now instead of study.
I’ve now gone too long without talking to my mother friends. BEWARE, NIC! Don’t be that person! Pam said it’s probably a good thing, “must mean things are going well.” While this is true, the part that is not well is the losing myself in the now. Maybe I go back and forth too much. I get lost in my head. Live in the moment reveling in the goodness. And this has helped. But in the long run, it won’t. “These” have been my saving grace– the long, tearful conversations with my mother friends. My writing that has helped to save thousands of dollars in therapy bills. And while the schooling is a step to my future, I refuse to lose my past, by living solely in the present.
I will stand and behold. I will. But I know I am not standing alone. I haven’t been standing alone. So thank you my friends. Thank you so much! and next week, when I have more open white space (see below), we WILL get together!
Look at my schedule this week: notice I literally have to schedule in sleep…and notice I only have space for it two days out of seven.
I choose to look at this one day at a time. ONE DAY AT A TIME SWEET BABY JESUS! I could be completely overwhelmed. What have I done to myself?! Wasn’t my prayer, “Father, overwhelm me with life.” I need to be thankful for this.
This is my prayer instead: “I melt in Your peace, it overwhelms me.”
He’s my strength. You’re my blessings. This is my life. And THIS IS THE TIRED ME after my four hour nap and failed attempt at studying for my test in 30 minutes. Note the stress zits on my forehead and cheek, the unwashed hair. the smudged eye make-up, and the glasses. THE GLASSES are a trademark look of a stressed student. Me?? STRESSED?! not yet……