I had a conversation last night. It went like this:
“Writing block sucks.”
“But then when you overcome it, the words just flow.” Yeah, they flow. They flow faster than your thoughts….
I woke up at 4:23 a.m., and in my mind, words were flowing, and they didn’t stop. My mistake was waiting until 6:25 to sit down and actually write these flowing thoughts out. Shoot.
I’ve now been a Fairfax-ian for 1 month. One entire month. My bed wears a really, REALLY pretty new duvet. Those 4 curtain panels that made my living room so posh… they’re now split up because Mom LOVED them “SO MUCH” for her dining room, but I wanted them in my room…SPLIT. THEY ARE SPLIT. And my shoes. I actually have four different locations to fit my 60 pairs of shoes (yes 60…I just counted). And my clothes, they don’t all fit in my 4 foot wide closet. The beloved Keurig is getting extra use. And my dog has a new best friend. Ohhhh you have to see how cute she looks right now….
She really is my sweetest, most loyal friend….
“So you’ve been here a month now, I suppose you are sleeping okay?”
“No mom, it just doesn’t feel like home. Not yet…”
Maybe time will get me there. I was at target on Black Friday, yes I’m that person.
Gosh I look hot in this picture–LOVE IT! Any way… so we walked through the Christmas aisle…and I can’t tell you how many times I saw things and thought “Oh that would look so good in my living room” or “That’s so cute, I can put that in my foyer next to the mirror…” or “I really want Christmas plates for all the entertaining I do this time of year…” and then reality set in. And the truth flowed into my thoughts. “Not any more sweetheart, not any more…” I miss my home. I miss my apartment.
Okay, okay…. so last night I went on a date. It was a good date. With a new someone. I may kick myself for telling you all about it because look how foolish I ended up last time…. Still I need to share this:
Jon: “Are you happy in life?”
Me: “Yeah. I mean, I know I’m where God wants me to be. I’m excited about school… it’s just not at all where I thought I would be…”
Jon: “I thank God every morning for life. EVERY MORNING–just for breathing…
This morning I write to you cuddled in these warm blankets. Breathing–and stressing over school finances and if I should really buy those new Uggs because I really, REALLY want them. But I am breathing. Can I get an AMEN!? I am breathing…and this is my life. You’ve got the Love….You’ve got the Love!
I have a warm bed.
I have a loving family.
I have great hair.
I have red shoes and cowgirl boots (2 pairs).
I have a fulfilling job.
I have wisdom.
I have a heart.
I have Love.
oh yeah. And these breaths in me are flowing like mighty, might wind.
There is no better feeling than crossing a finish line. That feeling of accomplishment is fresh, it’s my moment. I ran my third annual Turkey Trot last week. With Laura (so proud of you cousin–can’t wait for our next race) and Justin (my favorite guy– I just love you to the moon and back, almost as much as popcorn!).
This heart of mine doesn’t like settling down–it’s ambitious and desirable. It’s like I’ve taken off at the beginning of a race and I am about to start fighting the exhaustion, the pains in my knees, the urge to stop…all to get to the end and feel MY moment. And then the adrenaline flows and the endurance beats steady, because this is EXACTLY where God wants me, and He’s running it right along side of me (best running buddy EVER!). The start line is just that, the start line, and I’ve already crossed it. Actually, I’m about 1 mile away from it. But this is a marathon. Oh God, may that endurance flow as I press on….I have 25 miles left. Or to be more exact 45 credits….
Florence and the Machine is my playlist. The holy empowerment is overwhelming. “Sometimes I feel like saying ‘Lord I just don’t care’ But you’ve got the love I need to see me through” …”Shake it out. SHAKE IT OUT…. it’s hard to dance with the devil on your back, so shake him off” OHHH WHOA!! Ohhh whoa, FLOW!
You’ve got the Love. Let it FLOW.