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I have 17 minutes to say goodnight to the worst and best year of my life, to brush my teeth, and to water my dog before I make a run to pick up the pizza for a New Years party that is sure to be the party of the year *righhhhtttt, pun so intended. and might I add that little cousin just came into my writing zone to say, “you’re still ordering the pizza? you are supposed to come and vote on my prettiest picture” the pictures all say “Happy New Year 2013.” I have additional thoughts that are best left unwritten. Here I go. fast.
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It’s dark outside, cold too. But inside there is warmth and gladness and cold hands that move across my beloved keyboard that has helped me process this year’s life and all it’s changes over thousands of words, pages of emotions. That’s got to be my most favorite part of the year–meeting you sweet Darlings, escaping into this, sweet friends, beloved readers. Because with each word that has been meant for my processing, for my living, I lost and then relinquished a little more control and gained and accepted a hell of a lot more support.
It was a raining year, no lies, giggles though, smiles though, lessons, tears–some happy, some sad. But lessons, yes LESSONS. As mushy as this sounds those lessons have been my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. They’ve been the renewed realizations that promises from God are real. They are true. And we, I, am need to be patient. In what seemed to be a flowing river, a 40-day 6 month flood of hard times and grief, the rain isn’t stopping. Nah, instead, it’s drizzling summer rain after a storm and the sun is shining through. It’s shining big, shining bright, and those misty drops are steaming off of the asphalt with children’s laughter in the background and smells of the grill sizzling.
“Mija, the pizza…”
<snappy voice> “give me five minutes, MOTHER! FIVE MINUTES!”
So good evening 2012. Thank you for my flood, this rainbow, and this overflowing pot of gold.
Here’s to you.
And here’s to me releasing control of the things that were never in my hands, releasing the cares and worries that other people’s opinions matter when it’s me I’ve been on the quest for. Here’s to me having made the best decisions of my life, though hard, they’ve been best in growing me. So yes, Good Evening 2012, I’m leaving the control to God- and keeping the choices to me. They have not dictated my future, but oh my word have they helped to shape it.
This life is in the most expressive and imaginative mold right now. Pretty abstract. But my Potter also created the world– I think the mold of me is in the very best hands. So those failures, that past that smells of Cuervo, it’s blocked out of my mind just enough to shape successes.
You’re in the shadows now 2012. And 2013, you have me tangled in words, caught up in LOVE, tousled into faith, handed into wins.
