In four days, everything I’ve known for the past seven and a half years will come to an end. If your sick of hearing about my ups and downs in this transition, let me caution you that this is yet another post that hashes through my tears, my smiles, my fears, and most importantly, never forgotten, my Love.
Today, I packed my office. When I go in for my last Sunday, I won’t be greeted by smiles of my favorite loves at my desk. I have no more curriculum to write, and perhaps for a very long time will no longer have a need for books I’ve been using since my college days with Dr. Ramsey and Ty. So through tears and laughter, my mom, one of my best friends supported me as we took every part of me out of my office.
You know, maybe I am taking this too far. Maybe I am being over-emotional. Maybe people are rolling their eyes at me with every nostalgic thing I am saying. It’s not going to stop me. This is who I am, love me more because of it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through all of this (and there’s not only one…), it’s that obedience to God is perhaps one of the most difficult realities I’ve ever faced. But through it, I’m trusting in Him, in His Love and plan for me, SO MUCH.
DEPEND ON THE LORD; TRUST HIM, AND HE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU.
THEN YOUR GOODNESS WILL SHINE LIKE THE SUN, AND YOUR FAIRNESS LIKE THE NOONDAY SUN.
I know the most beautiful God. One who is already taking care of me. One who is bringing out the goodness in me. Everyday someone asks me, “What are you going to do next?” or “Well?” And it seems like each day I have a different answer… but the end of our conversations is always the same “I don’t know.” Today, I took a risk in researching and contacting publishers to make a dream (one I’ve had since high school) become a reality. Yesterday, I applied for a position at a orthodontic office. And tomorrow, I may revert into what I know and enjoy the company of children God has blessed me with. And through it all I see the goodness shining.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop analyzing where He is taking me through all this. But I know it’s part of my story, part of my purpose to bring glory to His Kingdom. It’s Him affirming my free-will as I seek Him with all that I am and do. There is purpose and there will always be Love.
I am in Love and so totally captivated by this “season.” There is GOODNESS lots and lots of goodness.
I need to do a couple shoutouts!
Marisa- you have watched me through it all. I think you were one of the closest eye-witnesses to me following my calling into ministry. I had it since I was what?! eight?! And to this day, you are one of my most supportive friends I’ve ever had. But you’re also the sister I’ve been praying for as long as I’ve known how to pray. Your call today brought tears to my eyes (yes, I’m a baby)…but when you heard me start to break down again, hearing “Pack your shit up and get the hell out of there” was the best and only thing that could have been said to make the moment better. You know me. I heard this saying once, “Chance made us sisters, hearts made us friends.” I’m glad your here for me friend, especially now. I feel stronger through this life transition with you next to me. I so love you. so, so much.
And Laura. You are an example to me, despite what James said, “There you went, pulling a Laura..” You encourage me with hope and love, that someone will take a chance on me too. You help me to see that I deserve a chance to “break free.” And your text today to see how I was doing meant the world. THE WORLD. Because for some, this is nothing. But again, I’m me, so this is everything. Thank you for understanding me and for constantly taking the time to let me know that it’s going to be okay. It really has meant SO MUCH!
You both are the goodness from God shining in my life.
Marisa, my sister-cousin has supported me every step of the way. I quoted her but might have made her sound crass, and insensitive, and maybe even a little bit harsh and hateful. She loves the church, in a way she is the church. Sooo, once you get over the initial shock of her words to pack my “stuff” and leave, picture her lovingly slapping me while saying “snap out of it” (like Cher). And actually, as I think more about it, her words were probably the best I heard the entire time I’ve been transitioning. just so you know….