hold on.

beep.  beep.  beep.  beep.  that’s the sound of a 5:30 a.m. alarm that screams, “get up!  get ready.  you have three kiddos to love.  you have cereal spills to wipe, first grade words to read, hair to braid, butts to wipe, play-doh to tangle in your hair.  giggles to make your heart weep a few top-notch, blissful tears.” ………

do you remember my mornings before though?  The ones that moved my feet as they chased the sunrise through a park along foggy water?  Those mornings were mine.  They were followed by muffins, yogurt parfaits, fruit, tea, words, Words.  And oh my friends how I’ve missed them throughout this nanny love.  But here I am…

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…honestly though, I must say, the head of a two year old that rests upon my shoulder as I rock reckless affection into his little soul pieces these moments together.  They’re unlocking me, humming something so beautiful, so sweet, so significant.  And I just hold on.

Today, this week has been the most special treat.  It actually started about four months ago when I walked into a garage stuffed floor to ceiling with boxes.  And it continued through Christmas, and little voices that said, “we’re moving!”  Stumbled words said, “me have tommy room.”  and screams that fought concerned tears that asked, “wait, are you coming to the new house with us?”  This morning, before I rejoined my tea and muffin, I guzzled this treat to crumbs.  “Micole!!!!!  You’re here!!  Come see my new room.  It’s pink!!!”  guess what Keri, my favorite color is pink.  I was 24 and my room was still pink…and now it’s purple.  We’re a match, you and I.  “I sleep my own bed, Cole!”  Ethan, please stop growing up and just let me hold you here.  Put your little hands in mine and let’s just hold on.

Why am I continually amazed by God’s works?  By the way He is so in love with me through you.  Today, as I sit in the spot that has missed me for four months, yes FOUR!, I blare fingertips that join the keys of a piano through emotion, through finer feelings than I can express.  I blare acoustic guitars  that are accompanied by voices that sing me peace.  And I grip these words tighter than Sasha on a t-bone.

“If God made You, He’s in love with me.”

My life is such a sappy montage I actually love that...  I see three faces standing behind a tall dad named Charlie.  I see a mom that I know is already my friend.  And this family, Jeanette’s family is now mine too.  I hear “Do you like to build forts?”  …and I’m hooked.  The park is fishing to bring me back, baiting me with a morning like this.  But they won.  and I’ll let them win 50,000 times over. Because I hear His song when I am with them.  And I see, God’s just so in love with me through you, my sweetest blessings that have helped bring me here.

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So…

So…

So, confession time.  I miss writing.  Where’s my mojo gone, sweet darlings?!  But today it made a special appearance, must be the muffin and tea…  Thank you Words.  You are cherished.  A little gift of gratitude for you, here:

 

Dear me,

Hold on, would you?!  Hold onto this moment and hear the whispers of this song and of His song.  Live each second in between.  The ones where your feet take you to the sunrise to rejoice a life lives being sung over you.  Hold on while you lose yourself in His love through them, these pieces of heaven.  Hold on, and write these words honey.  Write this love.  Hold on, baby.  This time is so fiercely yours.  Hold on tight.

and since I’m in the mood for letters:

Dear You,

Hold on to me.  And stumble me into more of your creations that sing Your love over me.  Cling me to this mercy.  Hold on, so there’s nothing between You and I but THIS LOVE.  Oh how I love…

peace out, darlings.  and hold on tightly to the creations He’s so carefully loved you with….

peace xoxoxo

p.s. raise your hand if the title of this post made you break out into the Wilson Phillips song…. don’t you know, things could change, things could go your way, if you hold on for one more day, can you hold for one more day… you’re loving me now aren’t you!?

let's behold

@nicolebeholds

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