The words of a sixth grader, oh and they still make me giggle.
Me: Guess Who?!
Me: WHAT?! How did you know it was me?!
Student: Because I could smell you…
Me: Ummmm?! *sniffs breath and armpits*
Student: No! NO! NICOLE!!! I meant I could smell your purfume and it smells lovely…
Me: Mmmhmmm… Right…. Nice save…
He’s right though, my purfume does smell lovely. “Lovely” being the opportune word.
“I know you like to write your feelings and all, but…” words that are not so lovely. Words that stole a little piece of my glimmer and writing mojo. Until “lovely” insisted on returning. When I could smell you…
Why is smell the biggest memory enhancer? at least for me…
Like cucumber melon, 7th grade. Columbine.
Or sweet pea, high school.
and then it turned to Old Spice and those high school butterflies and first love.
or Ralph Lauren Polo and that college fling
and then Adidas Moves…. and a little too real of life…a little too lovely to be real.
But then there’s these, baby shampoo. and no more tangles. Those are the ones that make my heart melt in the loveliest of all loveliest ways. They make me happy, they make me ready…almost.
The smell of a hypnotic martini that screams friendship and support and first *adult-ish* love, answered prayer, God’s work… and here’s where my thoughts go back to being a little scattered and you have no idea what I’m talking about…
There’s the smell of dust and gravel roads, freshly mowed grass covering up a distant cow manure that’s accompanied by the sounds of roaring wind as you drive with the windows down blaring a little Rascal Flats. “Some say, we’re a couple of crazy kids…”
And then I just smell you and your support that’s got me here. hahaha, annndddd you still have no idea what I’m talking about. I smell me. And yes, it’s lovely.
A little over one year ago today, I stood in front of fear and hesitation and gave in to the best journey God has ever taken me on. And it’s over. and yes, I’m fully aware that every day of my life with Jesus is a journey…just a new one. Seriously this one is OVER!
I traveled in my home. I drove for miles and days. I left tears on the side of the road and questions with random gas station attendants. I embraced deep friendships over margaritas and wine (not glasses, BOTTLES). I laughed some fierce giggles….I fell in love…and then out…and then in again…and then out. AGAIN. I started a business. I kissed boys, a lot of boys. I even kissed a man. and then I failed, majorly. I fell asleep half dressed in my shower (covered in vomit). I snuggled with my sister. I went back to school. I moved. I celebrated. I lived and became me, the best me I’ve ever been.
Justin asked if it felt like I’ve been gone a year… “Sometimes.” I actually feel a world and a half apart from where I was then. I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. The strongest too. And baby, look at me now! Smell this lovely fragrance and with it enjoy the memories that make my heart jump. They return with innocence and confidence. They remind me of the fighter I am, and the passionate soul that no one will ever steal (or miss) again. And they just make me love, love life, love you, love me.
And now I have it all—and keep getting more! The gifts you sent were more than enough, like a sweet-smelling sacrifice roasting on the altar, filling the air with fragrance, pleasing God no end. You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes. (Philippians 4:18-20 MSG)
Dear Jesus, pour your fragrant offering upon me, let me wash Your feet with mine. And let me love You more today, more tomorrow. Let me smell You more than cucumber melon and adidas moves. Let me smell you like the dust that was a part of my journey. Love, nic
and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Ephesians 5:2 NIV)