I woke up this morning at 5:55 a.m. with an immediate urgency, “did I get that email out?” “did I tell _____ I loved him at youth group last night?” “Did I let the Holy Spirit say what He needed to in that last message?” And then I breathed. I was trying to let the Holy Spirit speak, and I waited, and tried really, really hard to listen. I swear sometimes the Spirit’s voice speaks quieter than a mouse. So I turned over and closed my eyes.
I layed in bed, I tossed, I turned, I prayed, and then I kicked off the covers and sat up and literally spoke the great words of Fernando Ortega, “THIS GOOD DAY, IT IS A GIFT FROM YOU.” and then I had a revelation. It’s not just a good day. It’s a month of a real sabbath. A month to be quiet and still, to be reminded of who God is and to listen to His perfect will for my life. It made me smile on the inside, and joyful on the outside. And I realized that it’s okay, because I have a month to work on listening to that quiet, quiet voice. I have a month to insist on myself. Because just because I’m jobless doesn’t mean I’m motivatedless-ness.
I’ve listened to God even when it was hard, and I left something I love. But I know at the same time it’s because God is calling me to my next love…and I’m waiting to meet what that next love is maybe even who that next love will be. I wonder if it will be people, and yeah, if it will be teeth. I wonder if it will be something that I least expected or something that I’ve always had my heart set on. It could be anything, it could be anyone, but what I do know and completely trust in is that it will be because of Him. That motivates me to seek Him so diligently, so zealously.
I’m about to embark on an adventurous 31 day journey and I need your help. My journey started today and my mom and Pam helped me kick it into full gear. The thing is, I don’t want to look back on March of 2012 and see a valley that pulled me under, I want to see mountains that I climbed to the top (might I add, without stopping!)
Today, I got out of bed–that was a big deal! I had a snickers bar and it wasn’t even Friday (actually I may or may not have had more than just that one). I said I was going to wear a skirt, and who cares if I didn’t put it on until 6:30 p.m. I’m wearing a skirt (and new shoes)! I took a two and a half hour nap next to my mom (and even though I’m not 2 anymore, having her next to me when I sleep is still one of the most comforting feelings). I stood in the middle of my living room and danced to “Sexy and I know it” on repeat while no one was watching; and then I was so pumped, I journaled about things that make me love me. At the top of this list is that I listened to God. I think I’m going to do that again tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that.. I may do it all month. I think I will. I WILL! This was the big one though, the most exciting–I started writing my book.
Tomorrow, I’m going grocery shopping, and I will stay at the store until something makes me smile. And you,you text me in the evening and ask me what it was. I’m buying a bookshelf, because I need a spot to put my youth ministry books, the pictures of my kids, the pig popper that I will now have use with Sasha. I’m going to target and buying a new toothbrush. I’m hanging up my clothes (I’m going to be honest and add that those clothes have been laundered for about a week and a half now and are still lying on the closet floor). I’m running outside. I’m getting red boots.
and then come 4 a.m. on Saturday, I’m hitting the road, well first the air, then the road. I’m about to take a journey back to my roots. Imma take some to soul search. and I’m GONNA hear my Lord speak. I’m going to feel love, but I get to give love. I’m gonna fight to be in the center of His will. I’m going to enjoy being a friend and treasure every moment of being loved.
Here’s the thing though, I want you there with me. If you read my blog, chances are it’s because you care about me…that or it’s comedy watching someone elses dramatic life. But I do believe God speaks, and I do believe He has the power to speak through you (even if you don’t believe it). So spend some time with me, check in and read my adventures. This is the start of something new. Heidi called me today and first thing she said was “How is the first day of the rest of your life going?” It’s going good, IT’S GOING GOOD, and it’s only going to get better. Stay tuned….
IF RAIN CLOUDS COME,
OR THE COLD WIND BLOWS,
YOU’RE THE ONE WHO GOES BEFORE ME,
AND IN MY HEART I KNOW
THAT THIS GOOD DAY,
IT IS A GIFT FROM YOU.
THE WORLD IS TURNING IN IT’S PLACE
BECAUSE YOU MADE IT TO.
I LIFT MY VOICE TO SING A SONG OF PRAISE
ON THIS GOOD DAY.
by the way… I’m looking for a job now, so if you know of anything, pass it along!!!!!!!! please.