I need a laugh. The last couple days have made me enjoy, really treasure the importance of laughter. And today, let’s laugh friends.
NO. LET’S DANCE. Let’s drink and be merry. Let’s say the word poop without laughing. Let’s squeak like donkeys. Let’s gasp for air to the point we almost pass out. Let’s fall over with gut aches and just… LAUGH.
I watched a beachy sunrise today. I took a beachy run. I shed some beachy tears. and I laughed some beachy laughs. Because that’s just where life has me.
Where I’ve found my own little perch…with my own little oatmeal, and my own small tea. At the Morning View where the locals hang, and where soon, I fake a local too.
Here: where I still have no job and still have no idea what God’s doing.
Here: where I’m surrounded by good people. by friends. by relaxation. by a growling dog. by sand. by sun. by thoughts. by reflections. and so. much. more.. including a monkey that is picking his nose, whom I’ve named “Digger” for obvious reasons...
We’ve played munchkin booty. A game filled with cheating, and negotiations, and curses, and pirate eye patches. And it’s been too close to my life. I don’t like the game of life. I don’t like taking short cuts to win. I don’t like making negotiations to get by. And God knows I don’t like the curses that I’ve brought upon myself which is probably why I’ve chosen to see through one eye instead of two… which brings me to the boy fun.
Pam asked last week (though I’m not sure it was asking versus telling..) “You were lying to yourself saying he was all fun.” Oh hell yeah I was. Because news flash my friends, he was a lot more than just fun. Here’s what my open eye saw: that this was the best I’ve been treated, ever. the most honesty, ever. not just a boy, a man. not just fun, reality. not just a “dime a dozen”, a gem. A man that knows commitment. A man that saw my heart and vulnerability. A man that was just a man. A great, great man. And here’s what my eye that was wearing the pirate patch saw (or didn’t see..because in dark times, that’s when the eye begins to see…): a man that is a stupid-head for not seeing the worth he deserves. a man that is a stupid-head for ignoring my birthday. A man that is a stupid-head for sweet talking me (not sure they were all lies–I still believe he’s honest..at least with me). A man that is a stupid-head for lying to himself. A man that is moving forward without cherishing good that came, without thanking God for good that came. Because good came, and that is NOT a lie. Good came. It wasn’t negotiating despite the discussion that said this is just “fun”. It wasn’t cheating to get ahead because Lord knows we were in the moment. It wasn’t cursed…or maybe it was………. nope, a curse is punishment. none of that, and if he thought so–than he’s an even bigger stupid-head than I thought because there was goodness. real goodness. no regrets. no mistakes. and not JUST fun.
Just fun was a lie. Here’s some more lies.
- I hated 25. No way sir. No way ma’am. 25 was filled with blessings. It was the circumstances I hated. The things I brought upon myself I hated… the …. LIES. No job. oh well, you stupid-head Nic, why did you quit then? No ambition. oh well, you stupid-head Nic, why don’t you find some.
- I’m mad at God. Nope. I’m actually not. Just annoyed with Him. rant begins NOW: because why? Why in the hell, did he throw this wrench in His plan now. Why did he bring the life-changer aka stupid-head into my life now? Did I need this now? Did I need to stop everything I’ve known now? Did I need to go jobless now? Did this really need to be part of His “grand” plan for my life? because it. sucks. saw this on pinterest. not a conceding fan, but venturing to try and be.
and here come the truths.
I have support. that’s all that really matters.
and so I relax with my tea knowing that I am ready to rise after falling. THAT will define me. not my heart. not my feelings. but my actions. and I won’t cheat. I won’t negotiate. I won’t see out of one eye. I will be. I will behold. I will act. I will keep running. I will find a job I love. I will start over. I will define happiness in a new way making it my most felt emotion. I will redefine impossible. I will stay bold, and bossy, and honest. I will take time to clear my head and my heart. I will show love. I will find simplicity. I will color outside of the lines. I will keep laughing, keep dancing, keep the creativity, and keep finding me.
I raise my tea glass friends. I raise my tea glass… to hell with the munchkin booty, to the boy-fun aka life-changer aka stupid-head, to say goodbye to lies, hello to truths. I raise my glass.