Tonight, I did a lesson with my students based on Psalm 46:
“BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.”
“STEP OUT OF THE TRAFFIC! TAKE A LONG, LOVING LOOK AT ME, YOUR HIGH GOD, ABOVE POLITICS, ABOVE EVERYTHING.”
‘OUR GOD SAYS, “CALM DOWN, AND LEARN THAT I AM GOD!”
I don’t hate my job. No, it’s quite the opposite…and if you actually read my blog, you’ll notice a theme that most of my biggest blessings come from my job. Today was no different, although I wouldn’t use the word “love” to describe my job. Instead, today, I choose to call it “accountable.”
Quite frankly, I love that my job brings out the best and me and especially the times it brings out the worst in me. You see, I don’t even realize what a hypocrite I can be. And this is just a glimpse of it. To be honest, to be raw, tonight I fee like I did a major disservice to my kids. Tonight, as we read through the Psalms, even after planning the lesson for nearly two weeks, I actually read the passage I was teaching. “CALM DOWN.”
One of my five million pet peeves is slow people. I fought this east coast life for years, and now, I’m embracing it. Am I embracing it too much, though? Do I have time for my family? Time for my friends (not just back home..) here!? Do I even have time to clean my room and my car?!
Right now, I literally cannot see the carpet under piles of clothes, towels and sheets. Right now, my car smells rancid. I get up, go for a run, come home, shower, leave for work, feel completely overwhelmed, come home, play with Sasha, and fall asleep on the couch as I try to “calm down.”
If I truly looked above everything and sought out only God, where would my life be right now? I’m in this mundane routine, and I hate it. I hate most, that He’s missing in it. I hate most, that I can’t remember the last time that I took a looonnnnngggg loving look at my Lord, my Savior. I hate that it’s been so long since I’ve been still that I can’t even remember the last time my car didn’t smell like a mixture of fast food remnants and dog drool. This traffic around me is overwhelming and I really, REALLY need to take the time to clean. I need to clean this life; I need to let God fight for me. I need to find that place where I stand fearless at the cliff, and leave the life that makes me want to turn around.