Must Clean, NOW!

Tonight, I did a lesson with my students based on Psalm 46:

“BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.”

“STEP OUT OF THE TRAFFIC! TAKE A LONG, LOVING LOOK AT ME, YOUR HIGH GOD, ABOVE POLITICS, ABOVE EVERYTHING.”

‘OUR GOD SAYS, “CALM DOWN, AND LEARN THAT I AM GOD!”

I don’t hate my job.  No, it’s quite the opposite…and if you actually read my blog, you’ll notice a theme that most of my biggest blessings come from my job.  Today was no different, although I wouldn’t use the word “love” to describe my job.  Instead, today, I choose to call it “accountable.”

Quite frankly, I love that my job brings out the best and me and especially the times it brings out the worst in me.  You see, I don’t even realize what a hypocrite I can be.  And this is just a glimpse of it.  To be honest, to be raw, tonight I fee like I did a major disservice to my kids.  Tonight, as we read through the Psalms, even after planning the lesson for nearly two weeks, I actually read the passage I was teaching.  “CALM DOWN.”

One of my five million pet peeves is slow people.  I fought this east coast life for years, and now, I’m embracing it.  Am I embracing it too much, though?  Do I have time for my family?  Time for my friends (not just back home..) here!?  Do I even have time to clean my room and my car?!

Right now, I literally cannot see the carpet under piles of clothes, towels and sheets.  Right now, my car smells rancid.  I get up, go for a run, come home, shower, leave for work, feel completely overwhelmed, come home, play with Sasha, and fall asleep on the couch as I try to “calm down.”

If I truly looked above everything and sought out only God, where would my life be right now?  I’m in this mundane routine, and I hate it.  I hate most, that He’s missing in it.  I hate most, that I can’t remember the last time that I took a looonnnnngggg loving look at my Lord, my Savior.  I hate that it’s been so long since I’ve been still that I can’t even remember the last time my car didn’t smell like a mixture of fast food remnants and dog drool.  This traffic around me is overwhelming and I really, REALLY need to take the time to clean.  I need to clean this life; I need to let God fight for me.  I need to find that place where I stand fearless at the cliff, and leave the life that makes me want to turn around.

let's behold

@nicolebeholds

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