There are days that I miss my words. Days that I want to just sit in front of my screen and let my fingertips bleed a little of my heart. It’s a big heart you know… but this screen is silver. and my keyboard is black. and Mac isn’t mine anymore. and Smithwicks don’t live here anymore. And so I type something new on this new something. We’ll call you the Airy (Mac’s ever so light cousin).
…something about fragile hearts and their strength that holds dignity and pride, humility and value, purity and richness–in them we find this abundant life that only glimpses a kingdom of real peace.
And here’s the peace I’ve found lately:
The breaths don’t stop–no matter how many times you let them go, you’re still going to take another one.
The screams may be piercing, but in the silence we’re reminded through warm whispers that love always beats anger.
The obligations are the disciplines training you for real commitment that you’ll never ever be able to take back.
Their smiles are the tears your heart cries and harvests to one day reap into a special joy that only God can give.
The fruit. The friends. The ministry. The love. oh their love. His love that’s right, Nic, just breathe it in as it helps you find solace during frustration and through the longing to be back on Summer Pond, far FAR away from here. Where the toads scare the begeebees out of you and where Sasha still has her favorite poop spot. Where good memories fill in for the bad. Where you said goodbye to the old life, where you hoped so damn hard for the new…
A year ago, I prayed this… He did hold out.. And He revealed it all in His time.
Now God, don’t hold out on me, don’t hold back your passion. Your love and truth are all that keeps me together.
His time is now. Being broken to be rebuilt… so this is beauty in its rarest form. This is the breath that keeps going, the screams that fire passion (and I’d be lying if I didn’t add occasional “anger”). The obligations coming running and bring forth some kind of beautiful future. And the smiles, oh their smiles….all of those smiles. Yes, oh, yes, I need to be theirs.
this is the Beauty, the abundant life.
And then God promises to love me all day, sings songs all through the night;
MY LIFE IS GOD’S PRAYER.