So be honest, when you read the title of this post did you hear an operator voice and the tone, dooon dooonnn, donnnn? If not, by reading this much, by now you probably have… I feel like that jingle is on repeat in my head these days. One moment, is all it takes. One moment to fall in love while you’re talking about dog poop, one moment to see life take it’s first breath, and don’t look down at your phone or you’ll miss it. One moment to loose respect. One moment to break into tears, because someone blesses you. One moment to make you laugh so hard tears stream down your face. One moment to fall flat on your face because those flip flops were a little too clumsy.
I feel like I’m living in a dream, watching myself in slow motion, one moment at a time. And as I watch myself, I swear this isn’t the life I thought I’d be living…at all. Here’s the biggest reason why: because I was supposed to be with my kids forever. My kids. They’ll always be my kids. But in so many ways they aren’t anymore. I’m still adjusting to that. It takes one moment to walk out on God blessed love—that’s exactly what I did. One moment to ruin God blessed love—that’s what I’ve seen. I see it, I’m seeing it, and that damn jingle makes me want to wake up from this dream more and more and MORE…sometimes!
But I’m still in it because, guess what?! This is not a dream, it’s my life moving one moment at a time. One moment is all it takes to be life changing. And right now, those moments are impacting me for better or for worse. The one moment, “I’m giving notice” has been the best and worst decision of my life. And in a few years I’ll probably say the same thing only it won’t be nearly as dramatic.
I said to my aunt and uncle, “What am I supposed to do with my life now?! I walked out on a job I loved!” to which I now say, “I walked out on a job that showed me how to love.” They looked at me so puzzled saying “well then why did you leave?” That’s a great question. I’m still figuring it out and saying, “because God told me so” is still the most legitimate, most real answer I am able to give. But what’s next? That answer still lies in the unknown. I hate it. But I love the blessings that come from obedience—when Scriptures proves to be Truth. Let me add, I love those blessings in the most humble of ways despite the fact that my mother called me prideful.
It takes one moment to be blessed. Lucky for me, I was blessed with ten moments. Do you remember me saying God would provide for me. Let me tell you how. It was the check for $700 that was lying in the bottom of a box and p.s. don’t let this lead you to believe that I’m irresponsible with money. The next moment was filing my taxes, which I swore would leave me broke, or at least closer to it, oh, but wait, God blesses. The moment a friend buys you two plane tickets. He said he wanted to smack me for thanking him repeatedly, and really I wanted him to smack me to snap me out of a dream that was brought on by the “worst” decision of my life. But wait, God blesses. $100 because I’m loved, $80 because I help, $40 because “I forgot I owe you money…” Guess what, so did I. God blesses to the dollar, no, to the penny. And another moment goes by…and in that moment, I can’t help but think, why?
Why does He choose to bless me, nicole marie?! The one who fell in love while talking about dog poop, the one with the slow running pace, the gossiper, the one with the mitsubishi that always has a tire problem, the one with little grace for the ones who cheat her or those she loves. Why me?! His Love, it’s a miracle, reborn every moment, for ME!
It takes one moment to watch a miracle happen. That’s all. I watched my neicey-cousin, Adelie Charlotte take her first breath on March 28 at 4:57 a.m. I learned love in a new way. I swore I thought I knew “close to” a mothers love when I was with my students. This was different. And she’s just my neicey-cousin. But witnessing a miracle like that, it causes you to stop and think God is great, God is big, and God blesses. He knows the desires of my heart, of an almost infertile couple, and He blesses. It took one moment to show me how precious and real life is. How in this world that I swear couldn’t move any slower, He has a perfect moment reserved for me. Lots of perfect moments.
A couple nights ago, I watched my best friend laugh to the point he was literally crying. I’ve never seen him laugh that hard. Ever. I mean, gasping for air laughing, and almost, not quite, squeaking. And again, in one moment God blessed a perfect moment with the sound of laughter that filled a discouraged heart, my discouraged heart. And so I smile.
And the funny thing was that just a few momentsbefore that, I fell. Not just a little bit fell. A flat on my face fall. It was bad. And it hurt. And I looked like an idiot. Enough for people to ask me, “were you drinking?” Yes, it was that bad. And I guess funny too, because I’m still laughing about it. But, one moment to trip on my stupid-butt flip flop up a TINY steep hill to fall flat on my face was all it took. That moment was hard to call perfect…until now.
One moment to hear, that this is where God wants me, flat on my face, waiting for Him to help me up, to rescue me. Allowing Him to use every moment to bless me to show me that MY life is precious, and thatMY heart deserves laughter, it deserves blessings. One moment to see that there’s only One who blesses, and one moment to hear Him say, “One moment please: dooon dooonnn, donnnn.”
And a few more “one” moments of waiting.