October 3 and I’m just now posting my traditional summer blog. If I were to tell you “it was so amazing, there’s never been anything like it,” I’d so be lying. And if I tell you “it was horrible,” I’d sound like a glass-half-empty person. I need to be honest though. Last year, I said my summer was like none other. I guess this year I can say the same. God spoke and while that was the greatest part of it all, it was also the hardest part of all.
In the past year, literally, the past year, I’ve learned a lot about myself and my heart. I’ve had revelations, I’ve had fights with God, I’ve been angry, I’ve been sad, I’ve been fearful, and then I’ve surrendered…that was this summer. My heart didn’t choose the best time to do it, but “we plan and God laughs,” right?! I didn’t know that surrendering came with fear, but so did peace.
So the ministry, I remember sitting in Rob’s office in June just crying, crying, cryyyyiinnng!!!, wondering what and how God was going to speak to me. It was the beginning of a burnout that we both saw coming. But I’m not a quitter. So I went on the mission trip and on that first day, called him crying, crying, CRYYYINNNNGG!! “I don’t want to be here.” “You’re not a quitter.”
No, I’m not. and if I could survive the latest wrestle with God, I surely could survive a week with my kids, they revive me. oh my gosh has God blessed me with an awesome group of kids! Really, they are amazing. So fun, so full of energy, and it’s like being with them is a time stop to smell the flowers. I pause to take in every moment of their funness; I pause to really rejoice in God’s creation, them.
I need to make this short, one because I don’t remember the details of summer (yes already), and two because there’s not a lot to say. I marvel in who God is, and though I would argue that He picked the worst time to move my heart, he picked the best time to give me peace. But ultimately, I thank Him for those who He spoke through. Sheree came to visit. She always knows the right times. I love her, oh how God has blessed me with a beautiful forever friend!
It’s October 3, a year out and my Lord affirms every breath He’s spoken to my heart, every single breath!
FOR LOVE OF YOU, I’M A SKY ON FIRE
BECAUSE OF YOU, I COME ALIVE
IT’S YOUR SACRED HEART WITHIN ME BEATING
YOUR VOICE WITHIN ME SINGING OUT.
FOR LOVE OF YOU, AUDREY ASSAD