i’ve been so down lately. God, why not? God, i get it, BUT THROW ME A BONE! That sort of thing, this in-contentment with being content. For almost three years, I’ve had this wondering, why am I here, when I long to be there. And then I get that final push that says “Nope, I have you here.” So I go on, push myself forward in settling here, only to find another hurdle.
The timing was perfect, everything really. That’s God for you. It’s just when I was ready to give up, ready to throw my arms up in the air and scream loudly, to spin around in circles with my eyes closed, to click my heels together three times, and then to be. home. it’s not the place, it’s the people.
so that’s what I did. and with each hug, with each laugh, with each tear, I found God and His everything that told me, to just be patient. and that is so much easier said than done. but being there, hearing and seeing that, no, I am not alone in this, that was everything.
i miss my sheree-ree! Gosh I miss the laughter! So, we went around to all our old places, our apartment, our gym, the intersection where I rear-ended her car, and we laughed. it was everything, including the message that said, “they’re just memories, but make new ones.”
being there without Todd was hard. no Roja, no sushi. no awkward and inappropriate giggles. but it was everything. it was the thing that said, “we’re still us, you there and me here.” and even Izzo, and the loyal friend he is, that with everything that changes, he is still there, and still my friend.
and my soodie-dakootie girls. shopping is still the best medicine. it is still the source of our togetherness. even with a new baby in the stroller buried under lots and lots of clothes-they’re still everything to me!
and Sarah and Tasha. Tasha and her big eyes at anything embarassing and everything awkward, and Sarah and her “good night.” that was EVERYTHING. it was the something that said, “things are changing all around us, including us, but our friendships haven’t.”
and then there is Jill. who is my everything friend. and she brought it all together. and that’s what i needed- for everything to come together and give me the endurance to go three miles more. because if after three years, i’m just now getting the “okay, this is where you’re at, move forward,” then sadly, it might take another three to actually get there.