There been a song playing in the background of my life and for the past couple of weeks, it’s been the latest anthem. This is what it sings:
I’m alive in here somewhere….
Hey, please just believe in me.
Don’t loose your hope so easily…
Because passing through the eye of the needle isn’t as easy as it sounds for those like me.
The guitar strums. And I sing along. and Sasha begs me to stop.
Yesterday though, the song stopped playing just in time for my dad. He played his own song for me.
My dad. His name is Robert, “bright fame.” He carries the name well–esteemed, distinguished, respected, astute, intuitive, BRILLIANT!
I have the worlds greatest dad. Like no really, the worlds GREATEST dad…I may be partial, sue me. But I’m certain that no one can ever, EVER measure up to who he is to me, my hero. Some come close, those are the most cherished ones, the most respected ones, the most desired ones. And you know what he said yesterday, “Honey, I pray that someday you’ll find someone who will be so much more to you than I have been…” seriously?! not. possible. my dad…. look away from me, the sappy tears are running…
I sat for two hours with him last night. Just us. Robert and Nicole, God’s beloveds. I cried. He listened. I loved. He encouraged. I asked. He told. And my goodness does he believe in me– I don’t deserve that right now, I’m scared I don’t deserve that right now… But my goodness his song sings inspiration to me. My goodness does he support me. And my goodness do I just feel so, SO loved by him. I just really want to make him proud, so proud, all the time.
Yesterday was a happy day. A really “me” kind of day. It was full of honesty and spontaneity, funness and love, frozen yogurt and running shoes. It rained “me” all over. ALL OVER! It was fast moving yet every moment, every second was taken in as though it could be the last, valued for the gift they are. I’m pretty sure in the 22 hours that I was awake, I felt every emotion I could have. I was nervous, stressed, content, excited, happy, curious, frustrated, sad, discouraged, guilty, repentant, inspired, LOVED. That’s my favorite one because it came from the best man I know…the BEST. He saw me beneath it all–the girl he says has a “spontaneous disposition, a heart of gold–especially for children, a creative desire for the finer things in life, and an endless supply of energy.” That’s me under all this. He misses her, and she’s on her way back. I’m coming back, Dad! Keep singing to me because I’m on my way back.
“Don’t loose your faith, don’t loose your trust.” I’m not Dad. I have you here to help me. Just please believe in me, keep hoping.