I hear Him, faintly in the distance. This is what He is saying:
“I won’t give up on you. I’ve created you with love. I’ve saved you with love. And I’ll carry you through love. My love is better than any love; and I’m going to breathe it into you until it over takes you. While you feel alone, while you feel afraid, and while you feel broken and like a complete and utter failure, I’m conquering those feelings for YOU. I want for you to feel My Love, like no one else can ever give you. I want you to hope in something new, to be open to what you least expected because that’s what I’ll throw your way. Remember I AM on your side. I will bring you out of the ashes into the beautiful person I’ve created, and you will SHINE….Oh, and when you cry, it breaks My heart, so it’s time to stop.”
Here’s where and how I hear Him speaking strongly in the present. “Life’s biggest rewards have started [by] taking a risk.” “You can rise from the ashes again.” “These feelings are normal..” (Though not my favorite). “It’s ok to be honest and real.” “Your trust and belief in Him will help you find your way.” “You are important. You are loved.” “Give yourself a new purpose for each day, even if it’s only one thing. You still have purpose.” THANK YOU for letting Him speak through you.
I want you to know that I am not afraid of what the future holds..and I’m also not afraid to be me. I’m seeking, despite what my stinky (literally) pajama outfit might have led you to believe. Because you see, what my faith in God tells me is that yes, it will no doubt be okay in the end. But for heaven’s sake people, this is not the future and hopefully no where close to “the end”, it’s the here and now; the part, where I’m kind of showered, and out of bed waiting for a phone call, knowing that I am loved. And because I’m not afraid to be me in the here and now, I’m going to let me shine. BEWARE: the ugly crier with the puffy eyes is shining. I’m shining when I feel little light left. But I’m shining, still.
I’m choosing to shine because I took a risk, and God is blessing, still (even when and where I can’t see it, but especially where I can). I’m shining because of the stories of others that prove to me, yes, I will rise from the ashes again. I’m shining because this is who God made me to be, and where He is choosing to write my story, His Love, with purpose. I’m shining because I know it will be okay, because to Him I am important, and from you, I am loved.
“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.”
Phil 3:14 (The Message).
Let’s get one thing straight though, I’m not “off and running.” I’m just off and shining…consider that a stroll at a 7% incline with productivity. But it’s ME…shining like the person God made me to be.