Let me tell you about my “fun” this last week:
- sitting through Ted, laughing at all the wrong parts
- being stuck in a wet monsoon that ran us out of the seal concert
- standing on the ottoman in my living room dancing to “sexy and I know it.” because I am.
- supporting my sister like she’s always supported me.
- having chicken nuggets with macaroni and a four year old best friend Me: Amari, who’s your best friend. Amari: You my best friend, Auntie ‘Cole. And you know what?? I LOVVVVEEE my best friend.
- reading a book to Jackson and Brayden and feeling their trust and love for me
- sitting in the 5th row of a Toby Keith concert with a man who’s eyes I’ve been told are not actually blue, but green. They’re SO blue.
- and lastly, waking up to a kale smoothie and a Kevin Rudolf run.
I get caught up in the hard realities of my life. I let them steal my joy. I let those harsh circumstances see my tears. I let them overtake me. For awhile at least they seep in and contribute to a deadness inside of me…until it’s time to run away. Maybe that’s what it is I’ve been doing (truth is, I’m still doing it). I’ve been turning my eye from the ugliness and giving into the fun-ness. The “ness” that lets me enjoy the simple things in life. Like the gift of being cared for, or the special feeling you get when you have a genuine laugh that has you gasping for air. Here’s something else, the joy that comes when you hear a song you just can’t help but shake your booty to while you drink a cold beer on a summer night with country music so loud your ears are ringing (I was having fun last night!!). This is my favorite simple thing though, giving love and care to someone deserving, and acknowledging that it’s a gift I never want to stop giving. It’s simple really, having this kind of fun, running away into happiness finding fulfillment in a life that sensibly no longer has much in the way of wants. Maybe that’s what God is teaching me through this….
I had a dream last night that I won the lottery. My life was beautiful, as perfect as I will it to be. And not just because I was a billionaire. I owned a house in the Hamptons. Most fulfilled I’ve been ever.
and then I was reminded that you can be happy without this. You can be fulfilled without a new car. Without a high paying job. Without a hundred dollar bottle of wine. But not without love. Not without passion. And definitely NOT without fun. I said this was most fulfilled I’d ever been. You know why? Because I was surround by the simple things. Loving my kids. Writing not just for therapy but because it’s what I love doing. Taking pictures to document the gift of life. The lottery provided. But so does God.
Yes, that God. The one I’m mad at and had words with yesterday. He’s still here. He’s still showing me something. Right now, it’s simplicity. simple as that. I believe in simple things.
I remember how I used to want it all
Funny now the big things seem so small
I dream of simple things
I can believe in
Like the feeling this day brings
True love and the miracle of forgiving
I believe in simple things
Through all the days
The blues, the greys
A ray of light keeps shining…
Simple Things, Amy Grant