and so much for that, “I’m going to post once a week from now on…” 2 days tardy, Imma gonna work ona that….
It’s different, no longer getting carded, hearing, “Oh…” in that tone as if 27 has reached it’s prime and now you’re on the other side of it. It’s different, that feeling like there’s only 1,095 days left in your twenties. Those are the differences I’ll have to get used to…
These are the ones that I really think won’t take nearly as long… Being able to say, I wish I had known that in my early twenties, or that knowing what you want is done with more confidence, with more credence…
having more money than I did then… reality set it, again, and I’m a grad student… maybe I’ll get to that in my thirties.
I have this friend, he’s five years older than me and for years, YEARS he’s called me a baby and I’ve called him an old man. Suddenly though, he’s telling me that I’m so close to thirty, and I can’t help but really love that. I can’t help but love that my mother has a need to stay young with me “because 27 makes me feel so old, mija!” I can’t help but love how with each day of age comes another notch in the belt of this motherhood turned friendship turned sisterhood. And I can’t help but wonder how great the next days gifted are about to win me over.
I’m at the beach. This little place of solitude amongst a drama-filled-25-person-filled-not-big-enough-too-many-cars-not-enough-patience family “vacation” is winning me over. The hours of snuggle time have more meaning as an adult than they did as a
kid a 26 and under. The new appreciation, the understanding of how really special it means to feel loved, to feel trusted, to feel needed…it must be what 27 feels like.
This “feeling” pushes aside the pettiness that surrounds personal “needs” which to anyone else are really only wants and desires to get what you “deserve” or are “owed.” This “feeling” as a 27 year old has taught me that trivial attitudes are nothing more than that, “attitudes” that in their own way manage to cripple happiness, steal love, and ruin all-around-down-right-good-fun.
So here we are. 27. And vowing–yes, vowing–with more conviction to let the waves chase me.
I went running today. On the beach. as in on the sand. as in along the ocean. and up Waves came, begging to roll over my slow moving *but moving none the less* feet. And I ran harder, I ran faster– as if it was a bad thing to face Waves and their attempt to pull me in. And so there I went, feeling all 27 years of me. The feeling to be on this side of it. Like it really “sucks” to be not carded? As in, I love this wisdom but I hate recognition for being “here” now. Or the fact that I’m now in my late twenties? Because someone said that’s bad?
So I ran some more. Not like some who may feel they “need it” but like the others who feel they “want it.” And not because I’ve earned or deserved the right to these wants, but because grace has gifted me these wants.
and so Waves won. and there they took me to hear Reality speak.
Saying “Family is Family. And love is Love. And grace is what gets us by. and you, be careful Child, as you sit, wait, watch..Find me in it. Let me drive away the selfishness you both face and witness. Let me win over those misread opportunistic choices. Let me guide you as you think them through a little more…My Love, just let Me, I AM. I AM that sacrificial One that grace has introduced you to..I AM yours. So give me you. Feel this 27 as your year of grace and Daughter, let 27 be Mine.”
So they won again. I threw those soaked shoes into the sand and ran with Grace into the Ocean that He holds in his hands. These feet that have walked 27 years, sinking in grace…And a sun rising to tell the good news that life has so much more. here it is….Here it’s His.
27 graces. And for my own sake a reminder of what grace really is: undeserved favor.
1. I freaking love the grace that reminds me that life is so much more than family quarrels.
2. I freaking love that God blessed me with friends that choose to make me a part of their vacation every year.
3. I freaking love that God gave me students that I get to watch grow into awesome and amazing Children that are finding their own way to the other side of 27 years.
4. I freaking love that God gave me a family who is able to move into a second home for a beach week as opposed to other families just fighting to stay in their home for longevity.
5. I freaking love that God gave us the ability to laugh.
6. I freaking love the Father that taught my father how to be a dad.
7. I freaking love that God gave men and women the choice to make “this” (my family) a part of their lives. (though they might not always think it was the right one).
8. I freaking love that I am able to run into the ocean knowing that my Creator holds it and all it’s majesty AND ME in His hands… at the same time!
9. I freaking love that God gave me a niece that overtakes my heart giving me the biggest desire to have children while also at the same time gives me the desire to be barren.
10. I freaking love that my mom did not kill me over the two new pairs of shoes I bought for my birthday.
11. I freaking love that God gave me a sister who is also my best friend.
12. I freaking love how my aunts have taught me to shop.
13. I freaking love how my God teaches me that the shopping is a privilege not a need.
14. I freaking love how my cousin gets to go to Italy because of a talent that God gave him.
15. I freaking love how my other cousin trusts me the way I trust her.
16. I freaking love how this community that God designed me for is lived out every. single. day.
17. I freaking love how God teaches me to love. again. every. single. day.
18. I freaking love that I can afford to bless others.
19. I freaking love that when I think I can’t, God still provides.
20. I freaking love that life isn’t about materialistic things but about relational things.
21. I freaking love knowing that God isn’t done with me yet.
22. I freaking love that He is showing me what it means to be his. again. every. single. day.
23. I freaking love that to Him, I matter.
24. I freaking love that He uses me to teach others that they matter too.
25. I freaking love that when they don’t believe it, I still do.
26. I freaking love that when I don’t believe it, He still does.
27. I freaking love that this is for Him. always.
28. JUST THIS ONCE- a cousin who really, really, REALLY wants me to finish this so I can go relationship/community with her… and a mother who nags…