My heart is racing, these butterflies in my tummy are flying free against the wind, and good Lawdy is this soul of mine happy!
I haven’t been sure of a lot of things lately, mostly of my life. So much so that I started taking anti-depressants. So much so that I contemplated the world without me. I’m 110% serious when I say I haven’t loved myself lately, but that instead, I’ve hated myself. I haven’t seen worth lately, haven’t wanted life lately. And then God works His beautiful will and way to heal my broken heart, to take this bitterness and turn it into something sweet for His glory. He helps me see life through His eyes, my life through His eyes. And when I look, I see my life in His hands is precious, it is beautiful. And because He made me, I am beautiful.My soul sings, “how great His art!” How great I’m me!
I’m going to be bold here and say this much…I had a conversation with the love of my life. It went like this, “are you ready to date?” My response, “Nope, not at all. Look at my life. There’s not one piece of it that’s in control.” He laughed. And since that conversation five weeks ago, all I can think of is this, “you’re the one thing I’m sure of.” Until now. I’m sure of me. I wondered to myself, how can I ask you to love me, when I can’t even love myself. Until now. I’m sure of what God speaks to me. I’m sure.
Today I officially obtained my LLC. “LLC?” He asked. My “Limited Liability Corporation” certificate. And I fell in love–again wait for it…
I can tell you every moment I’ve fallen in love with this man. Every moment–but I won’t because that’s the secret of my heart. I can also tell you when I fell out of love with myself. It was the day my mom stood in front of my liquor cabinet while I pleaded with her to do shots of tequila with me while I sat in my jammies, unshowered, with no will. But let me tell you about the moment I fell in love again, and no this time it wasn’t him.I fell in love with me again. 6:31 p.m…TODAY. And I’m alive, with everything, almost everything that I need to bring Him glory.
Then sings my soul, How Great I’m me (His art)!