I waited aimlessly for the right time to sit for “this post”–a little later than I had hoped, but as though I was waiting for something more exciting, something a little better, something a lot more momentous, something a lot more perfect. But “this post” won by a landslide of mediocrity and contentment.
This post is that post- the one that looks back on the year to count blessings, recall lessons, grieve troubles, smile triumphs… the truth is that this is my life. And at the end of the day..sorry–YEAR, it was exciting enough. better enough. momentous enough. and perfect too. Because I had one goal, one word, INVESTMENT. and I did it. (and while there were only two posts, there were actually 365 days of commitment…actually a little less than that, but who’s really really counting?)
To be honest those days were long at times, blurs other times, but mine all the time–a choice all the time. When I started the year off, I was choosing to invest in God the way that he’s invested in me. If I look at my “one word” from that angle, I failed–and I failed miserably. and we go back to that search for more excitement, something better, something more momentous, and something more perfect….like a search for something that I’m never going to find. but that’s how beautiful his grace is and knowing that I’ve invested in Him “enough” to recognize it. “Flat on my face” honest moment- I didn’t invest in Him (as much as I had hoped). Maybe that’s the reason for the long delay… but again, “flat on my face” moment forced me to look back and see where the real investment was:
“Does God delight in me?” Who was I kidding, of course He does. I am His creation, His masterpiece. New question: “What is it about me that God delights in?”
The investment was in me. Truth is– the why’s don’t matter, not to Him. To Him, really only one thing matters. That He does. To me though– I needed to delight in MYself–and know how to in order to really appreciate His delightment.
I got the best BEST text from my friend a few nights ago:
Here’s the deal. Something good is coming to you either way. And you’re prettier than you ever were. And about to graduate from smart school. Best of all— <edited out because it’s too funny and personal to share>– Boom. You are winning.
Investing = Wins
More exciting? I got into grad school. delightment.
A little better? I got shoes for Christmas. delightment.
More momentous? I have a smaller family. or is it to soon to post that…sorry was that “mean?” or does it make me “a smart girl?” That’s one of those “lessons” I’ll write more about later………. conclusion: God’s will unfolding–delightment.
A lot more perfect? than this love… nice try. DELIGHTMENT, I love you oh so well.
I may still have a year before graduating smart school. BUT I invested in my education (by giving a whoollllllllleeee lot of money to GMU). And I’m smarter. and more compassionate. more empathetic. and hell, the most confident I’ve ever been because of it.
And I’ve invested in my heart. Cutting out what doesn’t belong, and allowing what does. That’s my favorite part.
And my legs. The thighs are like what, what, what… (you sisqo fans will appreciate that). But I invested. the time– it was worth setting new PRs.
And my smile. I just really love it more. Because it showed up a lot this year. A LOT. Look at my life and you in it.
and my love. I’ve added a lot of loves this year. and it’s made my heart bigger. SO BIG! Investing in these relationships that have changed my life…”Oh, I love you oh so well– like a kid loves candy or fresh snow…I could swear I hear you singing to me…” So thank YOU… and You.
thanks for being a part of this year. The investment in me…. one word. no, two. in me. three actually.
I did it.
Peace out 2013. You’ve been so good to me…and God’s been better. I love you oh so well…