Today, and yesterday, and actually everyday of the last two weeks were those days that I’d like nothing more than to just sit back and watch. They’ve been the type of days that scream, “take in the moment, woman…or else they’ll pass you by.” I went to a BEAUTIFUL wedding last weekend. In a BEAUTIFUL place. To see a BEAUTIFUL woman vow her life to a man. And I smiled. I breathed good air. And I looked at life, my life, watching every bit of it’s will work for my good. my BEAUTIFUL good. I have two choices: to attempt to understand His plans, or to keep walking away, to keep falling into a deeper veil of self-pity. But I choose His plans. I choose this as my starting point, everyday, I have to choose this. So watch me.
Idaho is a special place with it’s vast woodlands and towering mountains. It’s a harbor, a rainy thought, and a smooth obsession about life. And while I was there, I kept hoping for eyes with special powers. Eyes that could record me in this place. Eyes that would watch me in a new and different element. An element that allowed me to rejoice in the goodness of God that is seen in one of a kind, real love and a totally pure relationship. I wanted to be watched as a happy, content, and proud child. Because these last few days, that’s who He has shown me to be, thats who He’s allowed me be.
Sheree was here. Have I mentioned she’s a god-send to my wandering heart. She listens intently, she smiles genuinely, and encourages sincerely. She laughs through my mistakes, teaches through my tears and loves in my life. She’s a little like medicine making just about all things better. Sometimes it’s all you can do but laugh to keep from crying, with her though, it’s all you do.
I missed staying up with her past 1 a.m. and I missed tears flowing from happiness that seemed to be never ending. I missed forgetting to breathe with my arms wrapped tightly around my belly and my mouth wide open, soundless with my pearly whites exposed as far as theeye could see. I missed being a 12-year old in a grown-up body…
Watch me. It’s all I wanted to do, because I forgot the last time I was this happy; this happy for me, because it’s how God intends for us to be. The fresh rawness of life has had a way of creeping back in, at least once a week. But with her here, it stayed far away for just long enough to take it in, to take LIFE in and to just enjoy being me.
There’s a new man I know. A new man that I’m impressed with because of his conquering courage and will and stamina to keep pushing through life, around every obstacle, around every hindrance. And I stop, I watch, and I see that this could be me. And it will be. Because I am strong. I am a fighter. I am resilient. And I am not weak because of my love. I refuse to be weak because of my love.
so watch me conquer. watch me smile at the little things in life. watch me rejoice in the larger things of life. and watch me live it, with gusto, with fervor, with more love than you know what to do with.