The girls spent all summer watching Sing. There’s a line that I’m hearing as I write this, “Do you know what’s good about hitting rock bottom? There’s only one way left to go, and that’s up.” So there I went, carried by a bushel of balloons, just like in the movie Up. (Can you tell we let our kids watch a lot of TV?)

I decided to submerge myself in the head faith that had been cemented so deeply, and let my heart follow, no matter how slowly and far behind she chose to go. I decided to apply to grad school. I sat for hours talking to my dad about my longed-for-future-husband, and how finding someone as great as him was by far the hardest part of rising up. But in that talk, never did I think that nine years, I’d actually have found him.

I never imagined that together, we’d be soaking up the smells of baby spit-up, and her sweaty little palms.

Never did I think that I’d be braiding hair, over the taste of flat coke at 8 a.m. I couldn’t have imagined the smiles I’d see as my twin girls found their surprises from the back-to-school fairy. Hah. TWINS. Do you think I ever imagined that?? Never did I imagine that I’d get to have my mom by my side for all the great moments of this stage. I miss my dad terribly, but God, am I ever so thankful for your provision…

But here we are. And 35, is just the best most possible year yet.

I asked Trey on Sunday how old I was turning. I blame it on the mom brain because admitting how old I am (as evidenced by my memory loss) is too painful in the silliest of ways. That, and honestly, mom brain is something I never knew I always wanted. The loud screams, both theirs and mine, that make it so incredibly hard to focus on anything other than “Lord, I need you NOW.” The “hurry, hurry, we’re going to be late,” while juggling a pacifier, a water bottle, a pull-up, and a cheese stick while buckling two kids into the car seats– all things that also contribute to said mom brain daily. The “stop pulling her hair,” said with a baby on a boob while trying to break up a toddler catfight…yes, still possibly the best year yet.

It’s the year my dad rejoined our family in the form of our Robbie. The year the girls started dance. The year they started preschool. I couldn’t have asked for a better present either than the deafening silence in our home…once again contributing to my mom brain as I ask myself, “What do I do now…” to which I just looked at the clock and said to Trey… “oh no, I forgot about Robbie!”

My father-in-law texted me birthday wishes today, to which I responded, “The best gift, by far, is the quiet home.” My sister-in-law and nephew called not long after, and the first thing she asked was how my emotions were handling today. It’s funny because most of my other friends have texted to check how Trey was doing. To be honest, there were almost no fallen tears… I’ll let you guess whose tears were the ones to fall.

For me, goodness gracious of course I had tears in my eyes. How, oh how, oh how did we arrive here? Those balloons haven’t stopped floating since the moment the girls were born. I joked at the silence, but in those quiet moments (after I remembered Robbie and started to feed her), I smiled pride. The same pride, I remember my dad smiling upon me, as he watched me rise back up. Because this is their time to rise. And oh my Lord, don’t they look so good doing it…

beholding these blessings and life and redemption and these moments that are fleeting so quickly.

Twelve months!

If you know me, you know my “real” dream has been to blog, blog, and blog some more of my mom-life, even as a non-mom at 24…guess what?! That 24 year old had no idea that mom-life would have next to no room at all for blogging. Instead that mom-life would be filled with drool soaked onesies, and bucked little teeth, and stroller poop blowouts, and two little dancing queens that would fill my heart so full that my brain couldn’t even handle. Translation: mom-brain on steroids.

I posted a photo of Trey and I yesterday while we were on one of our dates…which sadly has had to become more purposeful than effortless over the last year. Our date included two fast food stops and a quick target run (full disclosure: publically writing that throws on a little mom-guilt because, oops, my girls are barely one and are eating fast food…but hello- as with every other thing I say this year… I have twins. So yeah, I proudly ordered those grilled nuggets to get out of cooking. Give me that hall pass y’all.)

Any way…said date included fifteen minutes in a target parking lot; my brother in law texted us exactly nineteen minutes later to ask about the action we were bringing (giving) to the Fredericksburg Target parking lot. Lots of action, Tav. We have two twelve month olds….

“Action” these days includes running after a new walker, chasing two littles up (and down) the stairs, losing one in a closet, the other in the pantry. Action looks like Trey lying to me about leaving work late, to pick me up for another “date” when he knows I’ve had a long, hard day of momming. And for the most part, I’m doing just fine with this kind of action.

The fifteen minutes of uninterrupted time in the wrong target parking lot, no crying, no clingy third leg, no upset sister screaming in the background for a stolen toy, it’s an unseen and unheard noise we’re learning to embrace with one another. Talks of new things to pray about, career goals, parenting goals, and yeah even some life-logistics, all part of that fifteen minute action at target. But okay, we’ll take it.

I suppose missing the parking lot action before is partly my fault, though I’d never admit it…. I was too busy doing my happy dances over one year portraits, and a much needed family get-away (that really included FAMILY), and a rescheduled birthday party that had to have it’s theme written in the tiny details because that’s just how I do. And this season, in this season, I told myself that it was okay…missing the action with my husband. Newsflash people: don’t miss the action with your husband. Two new job titles in our lives and here we were, trading in that other kind of marital action for a different kind… Question: Can quick action mom hands to catch “tamiflu projectile vomit” and quick action dad hands to catch flying baby that mom threw count as marital “action?” Wait. I think I’m doing it again. Making excuses for us and our super exciting, kid-filled marriage. It’s just a season I tell myself, and one that we prayed to have for a very long time…

On the girls’ actual birthday, I didn’t know how to “parent” on social media. Should I do a sappy post? A one-liner post? Or should I just post a picture announcing their birthday and wait for my sappy husband to do the rest? I chose the latter… making sure to acknowledge our love for one another because if there’s anything at all I want to remember of this past year, it’s how in this season, we made it, still healthy-ish of a team for our babies and for one another. I probably didn’t know it when they were born (p.s. I’m still dying to do a birth story post before my mom brain complete wipes the memory), but aside from keeping the babies alive, keeping “us” alive was the next, most important goal. And in this season, we’re still breathing and still very much in love. Yay, US!

12 months in, and the action just looks a little different.
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For Trey, our action probably looks like invisible eye rolls behind every “sure” and “yes, dear” to my every idea of “it’s for the girls.” If there was an Oscar for “Best Supporting Dad” he’d be on his way to a second. And…I LOVE that about his “action” over the last twelve months.

“Trey. We CAN NOT/WILL NOT do cake smash portraits. Everyone does that and our girls are NOT everyone. I am not every. one.”

“Yes, Dear.”

“Trey. They need pajamas that no one else is going to have.”

“Sure.”

“Trey. I need the cricut for Christmas so that I can make things…for the girls.”

And thank goodness that was a “Yes, Dear.” Because it really has taken my party planning to the very next level.

“Trey. I’m ready for my new camera body…” That’s been my favorite “Yes, Dear YET!”

Let’s start with the portraits (because let’s be real… that’s why you’re here isn’t it?! Thanks for humoring me and emoting with me all the marital bliss of our first year with kids!).

I decided during one of my more recent cake smash sessions, that I didn’t want it for my girls. Maybe it was the photographer in me that had done it just enough times that though while still ABSOLUTELY adorable, I wanted something I haven’t seen a lot of. Something messy, but something that I could carry into the theme of their party and something that would give me a professional “newness” to get excited about.

As an older “ish” mom, I’ve learned to schedule kid parties at their happiest time of day! For us, that meant BRUNCH. Helloooooo “Pancakes and Pajamas!” Have you ever baked with a kid? How about two eleven month olds?! Cue the MESS.

Before the pictures, the girls had never had pancakes. This was a perfect time to try them, and thankfully, they loved them!

After the novelty of sitting on mom’s counter to eat lunch wore off, it was go time. I ordered their chef hats off of amazon and staged the mixer with flour and water and let them go to town.

If you ever wonder about their personalities, here’s my most favorite picture that best describes them; Elsie dominating her sister. It really is a new occurrence every day. This might be a good time to tell you that Hannah really is the happiest baby. If you see her fussy, it’s quite probable that she is BEYOND frustrated with her sister taking things from her, crawling on top of her, and yes, trying to shove things into her mouth—like faux pancake batter.

It’s funny, not really, but just one bath and one short nap after the girls’ portraits, Elsie had a 102.8 fever. Our favorite friend who also happens to be the most amazing pediatrician we could ask for just moved an hour away, so in the car we went to get a quick nose swab…four days before their birthday party and oh yeah, 56 people had already RSVP’d. Hello Flu A, it’s SO NICE to meet you, come stay awhile, infect our house!

I spent the next 48 hours with a velcro-ed Elsie to my chest listening to her painful whimpers. In those early morning hours as I felt her breathing, I cried (which I don’t do a lot of, I swear). Those quiet tears streamed down my face as I reminisced other early morning hours of her sleeping on my chest, listening to her baby snores, smelling her tiny little head. And somehow here we were, a year later. That was good therapy, good FREE therapy that I needed. I wish my daughter got the flu every time I needed a break from major mom things like party planning…said no one ever, I think. Newsflash: I’ve now reached the milestone in motherhood where I secretly love my child being sick for the forced snuggles I receive. Come on, you know I’m not alone here….

Doctor-Uncle Paul put Hannah on a prophylactic dose of Tamiflu and she was sent to my mom’s house (aka in back of the kitchen) with a buttload of prayers. We waited and waited but dang; that tamiflu really does work wonders! I missed her terribly and felt this tremendous guilt of “how will I ever spread the love evenly and fairly?” Having two at once has quickly taught me about balance…at least quicker than most parents probably…I’m still getting there…well maybe…who am I kidding— WILL I EVER GET THERE?!

By the end of the week I was sick. Trey was sick. Hannah escaped with just a cold. And mom had an asthma-flare up. FUN TIMES.

We woke up that Tuesday morning (their actual birthday) in a panic. Um. I had no cake for them. Their presents weren’t wrapped…and oh yeah we just got back from a four day weekend away (originally planned for the four of us, turned plus seven) and we needed some serious introverting time. And p.s. What’s for dinner?!

They had no idea.

My mom gave them this tent from IKEA which they love. Later that week, my aunt gave them the attaching tunnel. SO PERFECT!

Trey came home early from work. His new job was sending him on his first business trip the next day and my anxiety was through the roof. I soaked up the time he had with us as though it was our last. Our little family of four.

The very, VERY best part of the day was when our Elsie girl took her first steps… on her first birthday… before her Daddy left us for the next 36 hours. You military wives, and all other wives with traveling husbands, I have the UTMOST respect for you.

I had decided to get the girls “dressed up” ish so they could pick out their very own birthday cupcakes. It was actually a very underwhelming event so no pictures to share…MUCH to my disappointment because you KNOW this will now be our tradition… long story short we won’t be returning to the shop. Cupcake shop recommendations, anyone?

The girls invited their very best friends, our neighbors from across the street…

How are y’all doing? Still hanging with me? I promise I’m getting to the party next!

With three days left before their party, I felt so unprepared. The truth was, I wasn’t *that* unprepared. I had been working one goal a day for almost a month leading up to their party. Little details like brunch menus at the tables and a pretty banner, games, that part was ready. It was the cooking. Now, I love me some good dinners, but cooking breakfasts has never been my forte but we managed. Mom and I pre-made 87 pancakes! I have two tried and true breakfast dishes, and that’s about it. We let God do the rest!

If you’ve never had my grain-free egg casserole, you’re going to want this. And the omg French toast casserole can be found here. I’m thankful for instant, ready-made sausage, bacon cooks, and a sister who bakes and understands without question my enneagram. If there’s one person I will relinquish control to, it will always be her. She gets me, and all my over the top visions. She blew my cake vision OUT OF THE PARK!

One of the big lessons motherhood has taught me is that it’s okay to lose some vision along the way. With everything else going on, I completely forgot to make food labels to go on these cute place setting hearts that I had found in the target dollar spot. Thankfully our neighbors have that high school girl handwriting and filled in the gaps perfectly!

I wanted bright and cheery and breakfast. Fruit loops were our cheap table decor!

I was telling Marisa (my sister-cousin) that it was so obvious that the girls have a mom for a photographer. Ha! I meant a photographer for a mom. More cheap table decor- kraft paper runners with prints from their first vacation, first haircuts, first holidays, even first picture together. I then added a little description below each one.

I also wanted to be sure to use some photos from their one year portraits as decor around the house. This was a guest sign-in poster that I had printed at Walgreens. (That alone was the most painful part of the party planning. As a photographer, I don’t ever want to know if that’s where you’re printing your photos… eek!! with the poor quality.)

We placed ziplock bags with cereal boxes that had been cut up as a minute to win it game for people to play when they were done eating.

We ended up having about 45 people at the party– not that many less than we had originally expected and knowing that they all were there to celebrate our girls was the most wonderful feeling! We’re so thankful for all that have stood by us over the last four years. To say we’ve been blessed is the understatement of the century. We feel it, with every hug, prayer, text from you. Thank you!!

We’ve decided that the girls will forever be welcomed at every Bressler party ever. They’re the key to success and FUN!

We’ve been pals for a LONG time, a few marriages and now babies. God is so, so good!

This picture makes me miss my dad a lot. Like “tears to my eyes as I look at it” kind of miss him. All the things I feel like he’s missing… but his presence and legacy is something we’re most proud to carry on.

remember that part about Elsie stealing things from her sister….

and remember that other part about Elsie crawling on top of her sister…

I found these robes at HomeGoods the week before the party. How perfect are they?! And if you’ve seen any photos or stories that include my girls, chances are you’ve seen their infamous bed head. The rollers seemed much more appropriate than bows.

Marisa made two smash cakes– one for each girl. From the beginning we always said we’d need to find ways to give the girls their own birthday recognition. This was one way! If you notice, each girl also has different pajamas that I found on Etsy, Uno and One (remember, we’re Mexican!). We sang “Happy Birthday” to Elsie first (she’s two minutes older). We did the same thing on their actual birthday.

Hannah is slowly learning how to fight back!

For those wondering about that gorgeous Pancake Cake…buttercream with blueberry filling.

We ended the party with a pancake toss that Trey put together. The kids grabbed a partner, a plate, and some toss pancakes. I made the toss pancakes out of rice, felt, and hot glue. SO EASY… also cheap! They had fun and we all enjoyed watching too. Elsie was screaming cheering all her friends and cousins on!

One last detail to the party that isn’t really pictured. I decided I want to make a tradition of it, so I’m sharing it here. I made a slide show of all of our big events that we watched together on the eve of their birthday and then that played on the AppleTV throughout their party. It brought tears to our eyes, and was super fun to share with others. The girls must have a mom for a photographer… it’s truly the best way to capture all the action. HAH!

Oh- but on that note, one last thing and I promise not a super long soapbox. Guys, find a photographer for your kids’ birthday parties. We did this even for my dad’s last birthday party. Wait, find a photographer for all the big events.. and hey, you already know one! 1- it’s so much more enjoyable to host, and 2- they’ll be pictures of you after your dead. Seriously. My friend Stacie came to the party and I am so so soooo thankful for these memories of our perfect, little family at the girls’ first birthday party.

The end. For real. THE. END.