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but these girls are my life.  even that little photobomber to my right.  be still my heart, for the love outpours and the passion is playing a wild game that says, “thanks for loving me, but I love you so much freakin’ more”

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This girl is my absolute grace through grad school…and she’s gorgeous inside and out.  And Lindsay, you’re by GSB through hot professors and really obnoxious and hypocritical ones and through passing notes and *getting caught*, through crazy boys, and Atlantic City adventures, and many MANY glasses of wine, you’re my VIP.  and I just, I just love you mucho (that means “a lot” in Spanish).

Also, in ten years when they ask me what was the best part of my grad school experience was, I’ll say “knowing you.”

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and so we grew.  we grew professionally and personally and with smiles that defined our happiness and contentment and friendship.  and it was so. damn. good.

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By my side every second of this journey… here to the last.

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Here’s to you and your ahhhmazing futures. So proud to have been a part of your lives and to have had God speak to me through your precious hearts!! Love you ladies so much! Happy graduation Erin & Gretchen!

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I never thought I’d reach a point where I forgot what it was like to sit and eat without writing a paper or reading about white privilege at the same time…. but there we were.  And it was so refreshing–the laughter, the understanding, the support and this deep bond that we have…… oh it’s these little things that really speak so big to me as I finish the classes… here’s to us, ladies (and persevering through class six days a week)…

ps we named our sorority “omáda krasí” which in greek letters is omega kappa…. which also happens to be the name of a fraternity… so we’re going to pretend we don’t know that and just go with it… because we ARE a sorority…. and sisters… also known as wine groupies.

love.

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When I started my new paleo “lifestyle” (I say lifestyle because I hate the word “diet”), I had already cut out pop…so the coke cravings were already gone.  Lately though, can I just say that I am SO SICK of water…. SO SICK OF IT.  I try and spice it up (more to come in another post) but carbonation is missing… and mineral water just sounds disgusting.  All that to say, I discovered this awesome little gem called KOMBUCHA! Basically, it’s carbonated tea, with TONS of health benefits including detoxification, joint care, digestion care (probiotics baby!!), and even immune boosting. (This one in particular isn’t the best in that it uses cane sugar extract, but I saw the “root beer” and was immediately sold!  There are much better ones to try, ginger especially!  It’s fresh and won’t give you the pop-hangover feeling when you’re finished with it.

Try it as a great alternative for pop.  Not quite the same but still good and much better for you than a pop that instead would be contributing to obesity, kidney problems, rotting teeth, and even reproductive issues.

I heard the sweetest message this morning from a woman who traveled a rocky road along her journey of motherhood.  These words, “A mother’s heart starts long before conception and long before her child is born…” they’re sticking to me like glue rubber cement.

I laughed a few days ago when I was talking to Jill telling her about how grown up I am– I’ve reached a point where I want children.  Not even so much the husband (I mean that would be nice and all)… but the children.  I want to know that sacrificial love that is a part of me, to feel joy leap in my womb at my love.  I want miracle, inside me.  Miracle.  And as we were talking, I wondered, when did that even happen?!

Because 10 years ago, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t hold a baby without thinking his head would fall off.  Wait, that may have been 5 years ago.  And 3 years ago, the noisy child in the booth behind mine was the best birth control ever.  And then 2 years ago….I watched one of his miracles take her first breath.  I heard her first cry.  And I’m pretty sure I was speechless.  And I held her so tightly as I hugged her right up to my heart.  That was it, it’s where my own mother heart was born…

a few months later another little girl was born.  I held her right next to my heart too, and these words actually came from my mouth: I looked at my best friend and said, “I want one.”  It’s safe to say we both were in shock.

Sometimes, it’s not so easy, loving Addie this much, or the tiny kids that are so adorable it’s painful.  Sometimes, their hugs that are so trusting and loving are the worst thing in the world for this mama wanna.  The envy sets in and rips tiny tears in my heart that will only be repaired by the real mama lovin’ that’s being built in my heart.  And the trust in who He is and the way He knows my heart is challenged, just a little bit.  But then I’m reminded that I’m a woman of faith- and His unending love that has never failed me knows a victory so sweet; my challenged faith is minuscule compared to the great hope I’ve been given…the day will come, I’m still being constructed for this gift….

Somewhere between then, Addie-girl’s first breath and now- this fear has overtaken me, that someday, I might never have children.  And I grieve for a child, I have never known.  Yet in my spirit, I know that something has happened.  And the lovin’ has turned so deep.

So this mother’s day, while I honor my own mother who traveled her own God-ordained motherhood journey, I also want to cherish the one that He is still paving for me.  Because I need protection and care, and even ambition as I travel my own road to motherhood…hah, even wife-hood.

but in the meantime.  I’ll keep holding this sweet child to my heart.  I’ll keep feeling those precious and tiny fingers as they reach for me and my love.  And I’ll keep loving this girl who taught me a mother’s love, a mother’s heart, a mother’s passion, a mother’s prayer, long before God has even ordained it…

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And then there was that one time we ran #milesforboston, forgot to post the picture, & they sent me a medal anyway….#bostonstrong #runhappy