I looked out my window yesterday much like I do everyday while I’m at work and bored. It was a gorgeous day. You should know, it’s rare when I call grey, gorgeous, so so rare (think bloody steak, rare). If I looked close enough, I could see snowflakes, and if I thought about it long enough I could see change.
I’m not crazy about change. It really depends on the day, but most of the time, NO, not at ALL, I am fully against it! Do I like spontaneity? Totally. Everyday. All the time. Surprises, oh yeah!! I love the thrill, the nervousness, the curiosity, but mostly the thought of what’s to come. Before you think there’s not, know that YES, there is a difference… I hate being forced into transformation. Instead I prefer to be thrown into it by my own natural impulse, head first. Then I wait.
I spent Saturday doing two things. One, signing a new lease, and two, packing up what’s become my home. This home was not an easy one to find. It took me three years to call this place home and to finally make it my own. I’m positive it was because I hated the change that brought me here. It meant I was officially a grown-up. It meant that I was forced to live in a place away from my friends. They for the longest time had been my home. But I woke up one year ago and decided to make Suncatcher Court my new home. For eight months, it’s been another place for me tostill see Love. I dove in head first and oh my word am I so so glad I did (for many reasons)!
Saturday I had a similar experience. I became my mother. No seriously, that’s what everyone told me. And I’m SOOOOO okay with that (she’s pretty awesome if I do say so myself). They called me a “Saenz tumbleweed.” I can take it. I like being her for a moment. To make decisions on the fly. To trust God so completely without a worry in the sky that all I have and feel is peace.
She used to tell me that we were moving because God needed us someplace new; that we needed to go there to find out. I used to think she made it up, but now, I can’t deny knowing that it was the truth and all because of Him. It’s part of me being an impatient analyzer. So here I am, allowing God to take me someplace new. And for the second time (out of at least fourteen), I’m going without hesitation. With spontaneity. With thrill, excitement, and lots of unknowns.
Time out. I’m making this into something so much more than it needs to be. Let me clarify that I’m only moving 500 feet away. Seriously. It’s not a big deal. But yes, being the jokester I can be, I played a joke on a few of my closest friends. I got called “a little rascal,” “just terrible,” but my absolute favorite, “a little bitch!”
Is it weird that that last one made me feel so soooo loved and really, confirmed that I’m AT HOME! I’ve beenat home. I saw tears, and a whole lot of love (even with the name calling.) *note- I apologized in detail and in length for bringing on tears (and then I shed a little of my own).
So let me tell you about this place, about my next home that God’s taking me to. It’s like He handed it to me on a silver platter. Yes, I believe he was wearing white gloves too. “Here Nic, let Me bless you. I want you to have a bigger place. I want you to save more money. And oh yeah, here’s a little bonus for you to buy some new furniture too.”
Here’s my favorite thing about change. It can’t come without a little spontenaity. Nor can it come with out a little passion and feeling. I woke up yesterday to a grey sky but the sun was shining ever so brightly. It was one of those mornings when I breathe in so much fresh air that I start choking a little. Then, literally 5 hours later, there was snow on the ground. And it made me passionate about my creator; that He has that much control and power to sustain this earth. But that He has even more to sustain me. I wasn’t going to bed last night expecting to see snow glistening in the moonlight. Nor did I expect to wake up this morning to dew on the grass and water droplets falling from trees. But I did. And tomorrow will be different too. It will change and I’ll be forced to go along with it. But I’m pretty sure (with the best parts of my mom I have in me) that I’ll get some wild impulse, dive in head first (I hope I dive deep, very VERY DEEP), and then I’ll wait. Because that’s how us tumbleweeds do things. Take me far Lord, I want to go so so far into love with You!