Details

H+E | 3 Months

The alarm goes off at 5am. My husband wakes with a gentle kiss on my forehead gently saying “give me five more minutes…” Like that’s up to me?!

5:05 am “are you going running today?” “No, Roxanne and I are walking..” because clearly I can’t walk and run on the same days…

In a conversation last week: “You get up at 5?!” “Yes! It’s my ‘me time!’ I know the girls will be sleeping for another couple of hours and I can do my own thing…completely uninterrupted.” Seriously. Who else does this? Because I don’t think I’ll ever go back. This is my real life and to be honest, I’m loving it. Conveniently leaving out the fact that all last week I chose to use the time laying in bed perusing the internet like a high school kid for funny gifs; perusing the internet like some instagram influencer looking for content to share when… wait…what’s that? I have two four months old?! Honey, you’ve got PLENTY of content….

So here we go.

The girls’ alarm goes off at 7:30 am. We are strict to our wake up time… even on the weekends. When people look at me like I’m crazy, I simply say, “Listen, it’s for my sanity..” Most days I walk into the girls’ room to find my Elsie munching on her fingers and Hannah still out like a light. She’s a really, REALLY good sleeper, a deep sleeper, also the happiest morning person I ever did see. And Elsie… oh, my sweet girl… she’s not. Where did she inherit the hangriness from?? We really have no idea!! Do you sense the sarcasm here?! It’s me. She gets it from me.

Our mornings though relaxed and intimate are weaved together through rigid routine. Routine that so easily can overlook the details of who my girls have already become and who they are becoming… like, when DID Elsie become such a hangry little girl…? I don’t know! Frankly, life with twins is too much of a blur to even try to remember. And Hannah, when did she start smacking her lips after every.single. finished bottle? I can’t remember! also p.s. We formula feed. Stop asking me about my boobs.

I joined a photography class last month to find some new creativity… Yes, I’m already a photographer. Yes, I needed creative insight. I like to look at it as continuing ed. “Take your ordinary mornings and turn them into art…When you look back on your photos of your kids, don’t miss the details of the bottle from the middle of the night sitting on your nightstand or the dirty burp cloth laying on the floor….” I took it and ran with it. It’s all in the details. Hannah’s eyelashes that I envy. Elsie’s finger toes that are just another piece of her Daddy. Their need to hold each other. Those morning stretches.

Adding to my list of questions to ask God when I die– “Why did You make the first year of motherhood such a blur?” However, I’m so thankful for Him giving us all the details that connect the dots between every gap of my blur…

…slowly bringing our treasured, intimate mornings into focus.

Who else was 150% nervous to cut those itty bitty fingernails? We made it to three months before I needed to. Currently at 4.5 months and I stand here proudly to say, NO CUTS YET! ….and, they let me do it while they are awake!

that golden skin has me mesmerized. the rolls. my sweet, healthy girl. Thank you, Jesus.

tongue discovery….

and baby yawns…

that pillow. a blog post in itself.

the little sausage fingers…

the “mommy, I need food NOW face” with hand gestures…

the calm and patient sister.

she’s actually a very calming sister. Details: Elsie calms when she sees Hannah or touches her… most times.

the lips. Elsie started babbling before Hannah… I want to say around this time… 3 months ish…

her constant milk-coma face…

the background noise of a rattle.

perspective of their giant world…

and my desire to keep the magic of their innocence alive forever.

their unyielding quest to find each other…

and EYELASHES.

the empties… they’re everywhere. bottles everywhere, in the home that I swore would never look like a daycare. Wouldn’t trade it for anything…most times.

I may be a month late, but I did it. I never wanted to be a mom that did what everyone else was doing, laying their sweet bottoms on those big number mats. I wanted to be different. I always want to be different. It just took me a little while to figure out how to do so. But I’ve found, it’s all in the details.

So I’ll continue…

3 months old and surviving their first colds.

Elsie and her phase of crying her way into our bed in the early morning hours. Hannah not complaining.. not even once.

and bubbles + that dried booger little nose.

a stuffy nose kind of snore.

and her stretches. LORD HELP ME when I look back on this in ten years grieving my babies and that precious stretch ritual of Hannah’s. OH BLESS!

My girls are growing too fast… My heart is yearning for my pregnancy; for the anticipation of these days that were so long and coming. My heart, craving those little five pounders and their squeeky cries… but oh how I am loving each stage more than the last…

and so I’ll hang to these details. The crib and that little Ellie.

our books and all things baby.

and especially the messes and left behind traces of their presence that has overtaken my entire world.