THEN GOD CAME AND STOOD BEFORE ME EXACTLY AS BEFORE, CALLING OUT, “NICOLE! NICOLE”
AND I ANSWER, “SPEAK. I’M YOUR SERVANT, READY TO LISTEN.”
1 SAMUEL 3:10
(GOD’S WORD SPEAKING TO ME)
I woke up refreshed today. I opened the door, walked outside, and enjoyed the deep breath of air I took in slowly and sure of the gift of another year. It was warm, sunny, still.
December was a rough month, no really, think sand paper against a baby’s soft butt. I’m serious though when I say, “I am thankful for it,” but I’m still far from forgetting how long, restless, and oh SO PAINFUL it actually was!
Immediately after Thanksgiving, I got the worst, WORST case of tonsillitis I’ve ever had. That’s saying a lot. A CT Scan, allergic reaction, steroids and strong antibiotics later, I was two weeks away from a tonsillectomy. That was not the end, no no, it was hardly half way through. I was two weeks in recovery mode: one week at my mom and dad’s and the other, trying my best to ignore my changed voice and inability to yawn, oh yeah and TRYING to work and get ready for Christmas. WOW I sound like a complainer. Okay, I was complaining.
Here’s the flip side:
I remain amazed at the way God has created our human bodies. So intricate, so finely woven, so susceptible to pain… okay not really that part. No, I’m amazed at how He heals. How in the midst of pain, I found an appreciation and additional love for those in my life. Calls, texts, facebook messages, prayers galore from my family and friends, but ESPECIALLY from my church family. I am convinced that their love (in the form of prayers) is what healed me *slowly but surely! Enough to breathe in 2012 with joy.
I spent the last year having a number of revelations; accomplishing beautiful and personal affairs and goals. But, I also spent a lot of the year tired. “BUSY.” I see a theme when I look at my 2011 posts, I was always searching for peace, and thank GOD when I found it. But what if, WHAT if I started living peacefully, not busily?!
I was reading Kelle Hampton’s blog–Enjoying the Small Things. One thing she mentioned that SO resonated with me was that I have a constant need to respond to so many questions with “busy”. Example:
“HEY, HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE, HOW’S IT GOING?”
GREAT, BUT BUSY.
“WE MISSED YOU LAST WEEK, WHERE WERE YOU?”
SORRY, I’VE BEEN BUSY.
I really, REALLY feel like the last month of 2011 was a time God used to force me to stop being “busy”. To tell people how I’m really doing.
I learned to be still (again, because I’m pretty sure this is a lesson that God continues to teach me. In fact it makes me feel like I’m back in 10th grade trying to learn geography theorems). To really, REALLY take a sabbath. One of ACTUAL worship and not just rest. I spent a good 20 days of December in my pajamas. I spent those days reading. But most importantly, I worshipped by thanking God for showing me that rest, this REST is exactly what I need. Every day. Okay, so no, not in my pajamas every day because I really like straightening my hair, wearing a scarf and cardigan, and looking as pretty as I feel.
No, in all honesty…I need time to thank God for making me, ME; to ask Him to continue molding me. I need the time to rest in who I’ve become and who I’m becoming. I wrote a post earlier in the year, insist on yourself. which clearly explains how much I really love my 20’s. IIIII LOVE my 20’s.
But now, in this time, in these last few months of reflection, I’ve trusted in God’s timing and will for my life more than I ever thought I could. I am 25. I’m so thankful for every gift of time God gives, but I’m also so very realistically patient on where His time is now taking me. Seriously, day by day is not the way I believe God intended it. That’s NOT purpose.
What is it I need to do? How is He going to use me? What still needs to happen in order for me to continue living His will? I refuse to turn stale, repetitive, and “patient”. To be too “busy” to seek Him, to tell Him how I’m really doing. I want to listen to Him speak and show me how I’m really doing. I want to find His purpose, not mine.
Good Morning 2012 is a prayer for God to take me to a dangerous place. To accomplish His next purpose in me that will make me love my 20’s even more…psh (I definitely won’t love them any less).
But in the meantime, I think it’s still important to insist on yourself, once in a while at least.
- Run another 1/2, maybe 2.
- Read 3 books cover to cover. (Last year I read 2…don’t judge, instead realize that I just discovered an enjoyment for reading)
- Be a WAY better steward for God’s church
- Record my life in pictures more frequently, dare I say… WEEKLY?? *GASP*
- and perhaps even blog weekly–with sharing!! (don’t count on it yet…but thanks to the loyal seven of you! I’ll see what I can do.)
- Play my guitar (which would start by me getting new strings).
- Find good with each new pet peeve that I discover. Because let’s face it, I could try and be more patient, to not be so annoyed, but that’s for another year.
- Be bold (a repeat of last year), but I really enjoyed the opportunity, to have God speak through my heart into my voice. I can’t stop now. Nor, can I stop:
- Loving. Continue it, in every way, but mostly in a sacrificial way.
- Be at peace. ALWAYS.